This looks like the inaugural post of the Ravus Blog, and if you're reading this, you should probably close your browser and set fire to your computer; you don't want The Ravus to know that you know about the Ravus, y'know? If you want to be well on the safe side, burn your whole neighborhood down, it'll spare them the mass takings that are the result of an angered the Ravus.
Wait, who is The Ravus? Well good question (and by good, I really
mean bad. The Ravus is kind of like the red pill, once you are aware of him, you can never forget. And once you learn about him, trust me, you'll want to forget his asstrocities). I suppose an introduction is in order.
The Ravus is that big guy in the sky, the creator of everything, except that he walks around on Earth like any mortal man with bear-muscles. His height: unassuming, his brain: limitless, his power: overwhelming. And yet, a stubborn creature is the Ravus. If, for example, one instructs (or worse, demands) the Ravus to complete a task, he will turn around and do the opposite. In fact, that is the very way in which the Universe as we know it was created: the G-Man told the Ravus not to create anything, so instead, the Ravus turned around and created everything in one single breath of his colon. The smell was horrendous, and it knocked the G-Man on his ass and made him pass out for several millenia. The Ravus, sideways-thrusting, then took from the G-Man several furious times. When He finally came to, His judgment was a little "off" and it has been ever since. Instead of being sympathetic, the Ravus rammed a feather into his head and called the G-Man limp macaroni.
And that's all I can think of, really, off the top of my head. There's more to come (yesss) once I figure out how to properly expose the Ravus to the m asses.